Hibernating Menace!

This is ridiculous.

Page 2:

• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! four bullet points.
• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! five bullet points.
• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY FROM ELECTRIC SHOCK OR DEATH FROM ELECTROCUTION! seven bullet points (bleeding on to page 3). Oddly, hair dryers are not called out explicitly.

Page 3:

• ! WARNING: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DEATH! two bullet points
• ! WARNING: RISK OF HYPERTHERMIA (OVER-HEATING) CAUSING SEVERE INJURY, BURNS, WELTS, OR DEATH! six bullet points

Page 4:

• ! WARNING: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DEATH! seven bullet points
• ! WARNING: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DEATH! three bullet points
• ! WARNING: TO DECREASE RISK OF INFECTION OR DISEASE! three bullet points

Page 5:

• ! WARNING: just a plain paragraph.
• ! WARNING: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DEATH!
• ! CAUTION: TO DECREASE RISK OF PRODUCT DAMAGE. Well, after all that, product damage is definitely only a “caution”!

Page 6 is just for Californians – hot-tubs are known to the state of California to cause cancer.

Page 7:

• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! three bullet points on Hair Entrapment.
• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! two bullet points on Limb Entrapment.

Page 8:

• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! one bullet point on Body Entrapment.
• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! two bullet points on Evisceration (disembowelment) – in case you didn’t know that “e” and “dis” are similar prefixes and “viscera” and “bowels” are the same thing – Entrapment.
• ! DANGER: RISK OF SEVERE INJURY OR DROWING! two bullet points on Mechanical Entrapment.

If you don’t hear from me, assume the hot tub killed me.